For individual, couples and families
If people come for counselling to resolve relationship issues, at some point I will draw from the research of John Gottman, American psychologist, and introduce the client/s to the “Four Horsemen”. Gottman’s Four Horsemen metaphor is based on the Four Horsemen from the book of Revelation in the New Testament. In the New Testament, the four horsemen represent Conquest, War, Famine, and Death. Gottman uses the four horsemen to depict four communication styles that are likely to bring down a relationship: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling (the cold shoulder).
If you are trying to save your relationship, I will work with you to develop four antidotes to the Four Horsemen: Using “I” statements and taking responsibility for one’s emotions; building a culture of appreciation by focussing on the other person’s positive qualities and showing gratitude for their positive actions; instead of being defensive, accepting the other person’s perspective and apologising for wrong doing; and physiological self-soothing - rather than building a wall, taking a short break to give oneself a chance to calm down before coming back to resolve the conflict.